Boyfriends Aren’t Real

We’ve all heard the lengthy sigh of our female friend, followed by ‘I just, like, need to be spooned. I want a boyfriend’. I’m gonna strip things down a few layers(raunchy), right down to the word boyfriend. Imagine this, you have just woken up from a magical sleep, its 2013, you are 21, single and the world is laid out in front of you. Now I’m not saying its the first thing you’ll be confused by, but its gotta be up there, you’re going to wonder what this mystical ‘boyfriend’ figure is. The one every single girl whimsically whispers about. I think we all need to take a deep breath and maybe, just maybe, recognise that this ‘boyfriend’ does not exist. The image you have conjured up, of a champion spooner, always-texts-you-backer with an unreal bod, simply isn’t real. ‘Prince Charming’ and ‘Boyfriend’ are fictional characters that us hunzos in our twenties are holding up as beacons of hope. Umm… Can we do something else please?

This doesn’t just apply to Irish girls, it has its own effect on the lads. They’re scared of the ‘boyfriend’. The ‘boyfriend’ lifts more than them, the ‘boyfriend’ is romantic, the ‘boyfriend’ doesn’t fart in bed. He’s making them all look bad, they’re pale in comparison to the imaginary relationship we’re in in our heads. Actual boyfriends, real life ones, aren’t perfect, they fuck up all the time. Imaginary boyfriends, don’t. And herein lies the issue, no real life boy is ever, ever going to live up to the expectations we have created. Because real life boys, have real life weaknesses, they forget things, they get drunk, they make mistakes but maybe they’ll be ok at spooning? This is very very disappointing to the average young lady, so we’ve just kind of, ignored it… Girls don’t want real boyfriends, girls want their imaginary one to suddenly morph into reality, and they’re willing to moan about it for years and years, until they eventually just settle on a real life boy who is semi ok. What a waste of time…

perf bf doesn't exist

This whole ‘I need a boyfriend’ seems like stage one of how to completely self-destruct and ruin your own life. How about, we stop imagining boyfriends and start imagining what it would feel to own your own business. How about, we stop pretending we’re lonely, you aren’t lonely, you’re bored. Stop being bored. If you’re lonely go and change things, move places, do things you wouldn’t normally do. Skydive, scuba dive, ski, find whatever it is that’s going to remind you that you’re alive. We get one life, one. Repeat. One life. I’m not wasting mine sitting around the arts block moaning about my relationship status. Get up, move, go to the gym, book a flight, create yourself. We’re putting more effort into creating our image of an ideal man than creating ourselves.

be young, be dope, be proud

I’m rebelling against relationships.Don’t be in a relationship with an figment of your imagination, don’t be in a relationship with a real life disappointment, calm down and stop rushing yourself. Dance your pants off, drink shots, never forget your girls and just let yourself have FUN.

Young, Fun, and Single. Live it, breathe it, be it.



I Don’t Want a Cat

Now don’t misunderstand me, I like cats, I follow instakitten, I’m all over the fluffy cuteness. But what I’m not loving is the worrying trend among Irish women. Single=Sad. No. I’m single and I’m not sad, being single is empowering.There is a frightening epidemic curling itself around my friends, this pressure to have a serious relationship, to have a man in their lives. I’m sorry bugs, but I’m not buying it. This is our time, dance, sing, order another shot. Life is for living and creating yourself, not for waiting for a boy to do it for you. We are getting opportunities our mothers didn’t, and things are grandmothers never would have dreamed of are suddenly tangible.


I’m not a bad-ass, I’m not hard or bitter, I’m a marshmallow. I love being in love. I love cutesiness and cuddles. But I love me more. If I settle now in my early twenties then what else will I settle on? My career? My dreams? Umm how about no? How about I argue with every one of my single girlfriends when they say ‘I need a boyfriend’? We don’t need boyfriends we need progression. Travel, education, things that bring you happiness.


                                               I urge you to travel-YES

This decade is ours, don’t focus on fellas, focus on yourself. I think we all need a little kick in the arse ladies. Stop wondering if the boy from Coppers is going to text you and start googling internships. Don’t put yourself on standstill in the hopes of having a regular shift, choose paths for you, choose places for you, choose for yourself. I’m not willing to lose myself to gain a guy, and this is what’s bothering me when I hear cat lady jokes. We all know the girl who’s cut herself off from her friends to focus solely on her boyfriend, the girl who doesn’t seem happy but is fighting, fighting, fighting for that boy to be in her life. At some stage we’ve been that girl. This isn’t ok.

usa 2013

                                 USA 2013, learning things. Tequila things.

Don’t be scared of being alone, be scared of being with someone who makes you feel alone. Go see things, go be things. I want to see elephants, not cats. Who’s with me?