Ending It Etiquette

5 Steps to a (hopefully) more harmonious split

Considering my most recent breakup involved screaming through a phone on Grafton st. I got to thinking, is there a good way to breakup with someone?! We’ve all been through the break-up, make-up, break-up cycle, there’s no such thing as a good break-up, or is there? The existence of bad break-ups makes me wonder, surely then, someone, somewhere got it right. This led me to the conclusion that what we all really need, is a break-up guide. There’s no easy way to say ‘I don’t want to be with you anymore’ but surely there’s a way to soften the blow. Here are my five steps to a hopefully happier break-up. Bear in mind I have yet to

1 Don’t compare

All break-ups are different, just because you stayed friends with one ex does not mean you should feel the need to remain friends with every break-up, especially not if they broke your heart.

2 Cruel to be kind

Yes you’ll want to have one last cuddle, one last kiss, one last.. No! If a break-up has been initiated there is no going back. Be cruel to yourself, don’t text, don’t call, delete on Facebook if you feel you’re going to stalk him for the next six months. Its not healthy. Similarly if you are the one initiating the break-up don’t cave and respond to any dialogue that’s going to lead to another emotionally charged ‘can’t we just try’ conversation.

3 Clear and concise

You don’t need to list off every time you felt things were less than perfect. Reminding him now that never receiving a birthday present was bad form is totally irrelevant, be a big girl and tell him you just don’t want to be together anymore. Similarly if you’re the victim of break up and not the breaker upper don’t punish yourself by screaming ‘Whyyyyy’. If a break up has been instigated reasons are usually fairly obvious.

4 Face to Face

Don’t be a baby. Turn up for the ‘talk’, as hard as it is it provides essential closure. I’ve made this mistake and it makes moving on harder, it makes seeing each other for the first time harder, have the conversation.

5 Stick to your guns

There will be moments of loneliness, there will be times you just want to text him, you just want a quick word. No petal, don’t do it. Remember this golden little phrase:

fight for a spot

If he’s the one contacting you, seriously consider replying, it may feel unkind to ignore advances but refer to rule 2.

6 Listen to your mother

I know I said five steps but this is worth a mention! Listen to your mother, or your close circle, choose your advisers wisely. Mama knows best but the friend-of-a-friend you meet on a Saturday night does not.

Don’t be hard on yourself, buy cupcakes, buy shoes, be a boss.